Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

whats worse then a child with a dead mom? the baby is still inside.

A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

Man: Hey girl for a minute there I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but now I realize that I am very much alive, and that heaven has been brought to me. Girl: No actually you were right the first time we are both dead right now.

-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken

Why did the guy eat pizza? Because he likes pizza.

Why did the fat man get thrown out of an all you can eat buffet? He molested a waitress

Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

What do you get when you add two boys and two girls in a basement? Four people fearing their lives during a tornado.

Who always participates in "No shave November"? The homeless.

What's green and can dance? A Cloud. I lied.

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

Whats as Heavy as a rock and also as light as a feather? Any object in space because the lack of gravity to give the object weight.

A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

3 men in a boat One day there were a American, Mexican, and a Chinese men in a boat. The Chinese man threw over a fortune cookie and said we have to many of these in our country. The Mexican threw over a taco and said we have to many of these in our country. The American threw over the Mexican and said we have to many of these in our country. The End

A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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