A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

how do you stop a black man from drowning take your foot off his head

Why are gay guys so good at being gay? The black guys told them too.

2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesnt

Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut you racist bastard

I like it it the butt -Tyler James Nehring call me 863-670-1547

"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?? Cause he got hit by a bus.

Haikus usually make sense, but sometimes they don't refrigerator.

how do you confuse a blonde do nothing

Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

Why did the girl with a striped ball fall over? She was a victim of a drive-by shooting.

They say that there's more than one way to skin a cat...so far iv only found the one.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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