A doctor tells a woman he needs to take her rectal temperature. The woman tells the doctor "That's not my rectum." The doctor promptly apologizes and conducts the rest of the check up.

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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welcome to australia. *kangaroo kicks you in the gut and you keel over, whereupon you are stampeded by wild dingoes and eaten by tasmanian devils*

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What do you get when you cross a rhino and a whale? Comment your answer:

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i'm not random but cheese does get a bit purple if you leave it in your laptop then the battery dies and the sun expands and kills every dodo alive even though they're extinct but that not the point

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Whats sadder than 20 dead babies nailed to a tree? The Parents...

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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Why did Hitler shoot himself? Because he found out Chuck Norris was a Jew.

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An orphan falls off a cliff.

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What's the difference between an apple and a baby. An apple is a fruit. A baby is a human being.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop? 782

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What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

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why didn't the baby cry once it came out of the womb? because it was a stillborn.

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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What's worse than nailing 10 babies to a wall? Ripping them off.

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What's big or small, can come in different colors, and would kill you if it was forced inside you? A refrigerator.

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Why couldn't the girl go to the bathroom? Because she was obese.

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Women outside of the kitchen.

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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Pete and Repeat are sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off and Repeat still hasn't been able to forgive himself for pressuring Pete to join him on such a perilous perch.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a big orange head. The man asks the bartender, "Why does that guy have a big orange head?" The bartender replies," If you buy him a beer, maybe he'll tell you." So the man buys a beer and gives it to the man with the big orange head and asks why he has a big orange head. The man says, "One day I found a genie and my first wish was to be the richest man in the world, my second wish was to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and for my third wish, I told the genie,'Ya know, why don't you give me a big orange head."

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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Noses are red, Lips are blue, I have hypothermia, So do you.

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A man, John, is talking amongst a group of friends. He tells a racist joke and sees that one of his colored friends, Mark, is laughing at his joke, but John can tell that Mark's offended. John later apologizes to his friend because that is the right thing to do.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops