HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

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CUT MY SOUL INTO PIECES MY NAME IS VOLDEMORT TERMINATION YOU'RE BLEEDING DON'T GIVE A F**K IF I HAVE NO NOSE FOR BREATHING

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How did Richard the lion heart get his name? From his parents.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the man do when he ran out of milk? He went to the store to get some more milk!

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can not rhyme, Show me your tits

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What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

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How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

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What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

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Shah I'm being chased by a man riding instead a pig in a caravan smoking Apparently I'm a man riding on a pig in a caravan smoking

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Do you want to hear a joke? No.

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The awkward moment when you are reading these jokes and either it's not funny or you don't get it...

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A man walks in to a bar and everyone screamed running out the door.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? ?? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a police officer.

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What's tall black and has curly hair? A black guy

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Allmighty Genie vs Common douche Genie: I the allmighty Genie am at your command, I can grant you any three WISHES Common douche: Okay! I want to sit on my own lap Genie: Uh...Well...You uh sure you want that? I Uh... Wait a moment please... Wimp wins Genieous victory.

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Why did they choose Madonna to perform in the halftime show? Because she might die soon.

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Sure, I was not born yesterday, sounds serious, what is it?

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what movie can a retarded 8 year old play the lead role in. Zathura

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A russian gives away vodka.

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Q : Who is the most famous celebrity, Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber? A : Neither, because they are just fads.

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What's worse than seven babies in a trashcan? Not much.

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I'm a blonde... rejected from Kaplan.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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