Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Lemme hear it. 25.

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Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

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What's John Lennon doing these days? Decomposing.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because the light was red!

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Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

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One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and then the final bell rung. The fight began and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing you say when you don't want to fight anymore and you let the other person win?" The other guy says to the challanger, "I give up?" Then the challenger yells. "I WIN!"

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What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

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chuck norris and superman had a bet. Chuck norris immediatley won because superman is a fictional character played by an actor. Chuck norris then decided to have a bet with the actor that played superman and lost

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roses are red, violets are purple, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

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A dog says to a horse "Hey, why the long face?" the horse just looks at him.

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Why did the little boy cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a car and died

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? Holocaust

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What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

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a girl had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend over a text message. she got very sad and became suicidal

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is a terrorist.

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what do grown up's do at night when everyone lese is asleep? Go to sleep as well

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What is the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench is a piece of wood, while the black man is a human being.

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Q: What's worse than finding out yor girlfriend is a guy? A: He had sex with your dad.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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