Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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Doctor: You want the good news or bad news? Patient: Bad news. Doctor: You have terminal cancer. Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: You have AIDS.

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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your mama's so fat she wears big clothing

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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Why did the lebanese man kill his own family? He had cancer.

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Never mail in your wished to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

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Who's Micheal Jackson?

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A dad says to his son "you better stop masturbating or youll go blind'. And the son says "dad im over here".

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When life gives you lemons, chuck them at someone's face!

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Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

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There's this traveling merchant from Flint, MI. He goes door to door trying to sell shampoo. He is having a lot of trouble selling shampoo in Flint because they were hit hard during the recession and now ahve trouble affording even the most seemingly cheap products.

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what's worse than dropping half your sandwich? Getting hit in the face with a sledgehammer

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Q: A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!" Why? A: The man walked into a METAL bar.

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A man walked up to a fork in the road. He bent down, picked it up, and continued on his journey.

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What is purple, stupid, gay, and tells shitty jokes? I don't know. You think of something.

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I like to give help to people, expecting that they will be my slaves for life.

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David walks into a bar. Someone shoots him. Now hes dead.

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Wgat did the umpire say to the asian batter? Foul ricebowl!

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

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theres a fork in a drawer half way open and a knife in a cup on the counter. how does the knife get into the drawer, it cant knife are incapable of moving

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How many squirrels does it take to change a lightbulb? 42.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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