There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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A man crossed the road. A chicken stood in a doorway smoking a cigarette wondering why whenever he crosses the street his motives are always questioned yet men and other animals are allowed to go about their day normally. END CHICKEN DISCRIMINATION NOW!

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When life hands you lemons you can't make lemonade, Sugar and Water are two other key ingredients that were not included with the lemons.

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What's the difference between a bowling ball and guacamole? The guacamole is delicious with chips, and the bowling ball is just a bowling ball.

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Why was Luke named Luke Skywalker? Because he walks to skies.

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Or so the tell me, Because I'm Blind

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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A blonde walked into a hair salon. She got her hair dyed black, as she is sick and tired of jokes that scrutinize those with blonde hair.

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What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Isaac

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If a banana is a vegetable, how come your mother gets confused when I stick pretzels in my butthole?

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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what's body surfing? sounds dumb.

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Two drunk drivers got in a car crash They both died

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? It entered a KFC and had the unfortunate suprise of having its head cut off.

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Why can't Dave drive? Because Dave is an orange.

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How do u get high, meet a leprachaun, and touch a rainbow? U find a leprechaun shoot him, steal his pot, and run up the rainbow silly!

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What was the black woman doing in the kitchen? She was simply washing her hands after eating dinner.

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Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

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What's worse than a teacher yelling at you? The holocaust

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If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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