If i wanted your 2 cents i'd rob you

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what has fore legs and cant fly a cat you idiot

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Peter was sitting on a bench. He had a bag of 10 sweets and was eating them slowly. John and Anthony both wanted some, but Peter wanted to still have sweets left over. How many did he give them both? None. He's that selfish.

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Keith figured gasoline burns, doesn't it? He was wrong.

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How did Alice get revenge on Diane when Diane called her fat? When Alice was pregnant, she stabbed herself in the stomach and blamed it on Diane. Diane was then sent to prison for murder and received a sentence of 25 years. Alice laughed in court, and Diane was forced to commit suicide. Alice then stole Diane's husband, and she lived happily ever after.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him "why the long face?" "All horses have long faces" he replied.

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What do Lebron James and Bill Murray have in common? They are both black basketball players. Except for bill murray

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Yeah, but why is this honesty so important for you, personal reasons because you are like that, because you consider me a friend? Or because a single lie, could have catastrophical consequences?

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How am I supposed to eat soup without an envelope?

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Why did the christmas tree smell like shit? because pavaroti used it as a dildo

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Why was Sally sad? She was the only survivor of a plane crash that killed her entire family.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

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If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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wat did one chicken say to the other bock bock

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench is an object and the black man is a human being.

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Roses are red, violets are red, sunflowers are red, HOLY CRAP, MY GARDENS ON FIRE!

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There are two cows in a field. One cow says to the other - 'Are you afraid of the mad cow disease?' The other cow says - 'No, cuz I'm a duck.'

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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What's faster than a Mexican running down the street with your TV? An airplane

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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Why couldn't the teenage pirate get into the movie? Because he lacked the required money for the ticket.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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