There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. Coincidentally, it was also Tuesday.

What is Cleopatra's favorite cookie? A: Chips Ahoy

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

What did the man say to his friend when he beat him in a game of billiards? Good Game.

Q: What's circlular and has two hands? A: A skinny person, i was kidding about the circular part!

Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

Much to my surprise, the Hoover Dam was not built by beavers.

how do stick a dead baby into a blender and why???????? feet first so u can see the reaction on top.

What happens when you finish a bottle of Sprite? You finish it

Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

Why does the girl continue to cry repetently everyday? Because she found out she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Why did the horse die? I shot it in the face.

A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

What's black and white and red all over? Obama covered in red paint.

one of my best friends is blind and hasn't been able to see anything hhis entire life but he can hear a hummingbird from 50 yards away i mean, talk about worthless..

what do you call cheese thats not yours? stolen, your under arrest

what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

why did the guy throw his clock out the window? because he wanted to see a clock fall out the window

what does STFU stand for? the southern tenant farmers union.

How can you tell the difference between Brooke Colbert or any other girl Jesse has been with? It's easy, Brooke the only one Jesses ever been with. They even share the same bra size.

It was a chilly saturday afternoon coles's brother asked cole to baby sit cole said yes and when his brother left cole proceeded to give it to his niece in the ass. Little did cole know he said his little niece on fire that was the end of his little nieces life.

What's worst then getting struck by lightening? your face.whats worse then seeing your face? NOTHING

Q: What's the difference between a Boyscout and a Jew? A: Boyscouts come home from camp.

What did the black man say to the Hispanic? Lovely weather we're having.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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