Knock knock. USE THE DOORBELL!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why did the chicken cross the road? it was making its way home after a long day of luckless job interviews

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the teenager drink a beer? Because it was actually full of sizzurp

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

An american, a mexican, and an asian are on a boat. The boat is sinking because it is too heavy. The people decide to throw off things that they have a lot of in their country. The asian throws rice off the boat saying, "We have plenty of rice at home." The mexican throws tacos off the boat saying, "We have plenty of tacos at home." The american throws out the mexican saying, "We have plenty of mexicans at home."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call the black stuff in between an elephant's toes? Depending on the location of the elephant it is either dirt or it may be tar in the case of an elephant in captivity.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops