"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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What do you call a black man driving a plane? You don't call it anything. You don't drive a plane you fly it.

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woman's rights

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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scraggle is in you pillow case

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A Jew, black person, and Mexican jump out of a plane, which one falls first? Who cares they all died

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

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Q. What's cold and has no feelings? A. A pole

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Why was the boy in a wheelchair raising money to buy a basketball uniform? Because wheelchair basketball is a popular sport

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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Whats 2 Plus 2? God Just Solve It.

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Question to make it sound like a racist joke? Politically correct answer that should not offend anyone.

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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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what do yo call two dog? dogs.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Pay For a new window

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Q: There's a Brit, Kenyan, German, and Colombian in one room. Where are they? A: Public School

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There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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Q. Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? A. She dropped it as she got into the van

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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