I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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A lady forgot to feed her goat. When she went to feed it, It wasn't there. Why? She didn't have a goat. Another lady forgot to feed her cat. When she went to feed it, it wasn't there. Why? It died 2 days earlier. A man forgot to feed his cow. When he went to go feed it, it wasn't there. Why? They had ate it for dinner last night. A teenage boy forgot to feed his hamster. When he went to feed it, it wasn't there. Why? He spent so much time playing video games that it ate itself. So the boy had his mom make him a sandwich.

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knock knock who's there? F uck F uck who? F uck off

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

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Is Mike here? Mike Hunt? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt? Yes teacher, he is home sick with the flu.

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What's blue and invisible ? Nothing.... Its impossible to be iinvisible and a color

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An invisible man sleeping in your bed! Who ya gunna call? Most likely the local police department to report the strange incident possibly brought on by lack of sleep. NOT Bill Murray.

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A man walks into a bar........ gets eaten by a lion.

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What rhymes with ten? Rape..... What rhymes with boat? Float.....

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What is a mexican's favorite sport? Soccer, it is the national sport of mexico

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Yo momma so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Chins in a phonebook? I don't get it.

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What do you call a white guy pointing a gun at someone? A member of the United States Army.

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I don't want to hear another joke about female hygiene, PERIOD! -Lets go Mets

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why dont they make black forks

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he is quite wealthy.

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I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

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Q: Did you hear about the fire at the circus? A: It was in tents!

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who lives a pineapple under the sea? a proper spazztwat.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like peanut butter Can you fly?

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And the girl said: "I'll be ready in 2 hours!"

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

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What's the difference between a 1980 mustang and a pile of dead babies? I don't have the mustang in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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