Why did the fat man get thrown out of an all you can eat buffet? He molested a waitress

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Man: Hey girl for a minute there I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but now I realize that I am very much alive, and that heaven has been brought to me. Girl: No actually you were right the first time we are both dead right now.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What's green and can dance? A Cloud. I lied.

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What do you get when you add two boys and two girls in a basement? Four people fearing their lives during a tornado.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. Oh, OK I'll be there in a sec. *opens door* Did you bring the blender and the baking tray? Oh no I forgot I'll run back and get them.

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How do you make a unicorn? Jab a stick through a pink horse and name it Liam

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

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What happens when your dog is bad? A crying dog who has to sleep in the BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid dog....

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What do you get when you cross a spider with a cow? A dead spider.

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Cole likes to trim jaycie's butt pubes

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Where did Sudie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both purple. Except for the elephant.

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How did the Mexican get into the united States of America? He was an american citizen, just of mexican descent.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

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What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? Thousands of years of different evolutionary tracks resulting from different climates and available food sources.

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What do you do if life gives you lemons? Whoa... where did these lemons come from?

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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whats the difference between a can and a fish?they can both swim. exept for the can.

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Why did little Sally fall off the swing? Because Sally has no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

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A chicken walked into the bar...

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Why was the Asian woman late for work? She was raped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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