what do you call a cow with no legs? ground BEEF!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why is coltin alexander such a duche? because no one loves him

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Your mother is so fat, she is at great risk for developing diabetes mellitus type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A. Why did the boy cross the road? B. Why? A. I don't know! That's why I'm asking you.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Do you want to hear a joke? Well you can't because you are reading this

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken is now getting flowers for her dead children that got hit buy multiple cars, also the chicken is a human mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

thumb_up thumb_down -28

your mom is so ugly that she is still a virgin, you don't exist you are just a figment of my imagination.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's round, has two hands, and tells time? Some fat guy I know, with a watch.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's the deal with airline food? Food tastes different on an airplane. The atmosphere dries out your nose, the air pressure numbs 1/3 of your taste buds, and low humidity levels give you cotton mouth. These factors cause the food to taste worse than it normally would.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you cause ultimate pain to a imprisoned Jew during the holocaust? Moral: You give him an apple WITH a worm in it.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the man jump off the cliff? Because he suffered from chronic depression as a result of frequent drug abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

why was the boy sad his whole family just died in a plane crash

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q: Why did the black man run from the chainsaw? A: Someone was trying to kill him with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Meanwhile in the basement...an elderly man, who lives a lone and whose children lead their own lives and dont have much time for him, lies on the ground unable to move after having falling down the stairs. He has been there for 2 days. He is frightened and confused, he hears someone knocking and his hopes perk up, he tries to call but due to lack of water his mouths is too dry to do so. He sobs in frustration. Knock Knock [Silence] The old man cries, aware of his fate.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What did the homeless man get for his birthday? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: Someone who just got stabbed to death reading the newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock knock. I know who is there... What? No, I lied...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I am Asian, I've seen the color blue, but God made a mistake, Asians are taller than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops