how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

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knock knock whos there? aids aids who? aids aids who? i dont go away

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why did the pyromaniac burn down the house? because he is a pyronaniac, he derives pleasure from burning things.

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what happened to the batsman with bad footwork? he got out what did the batsman do when he got out? he left the ground due to the nature of the ruling

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Why did the little boy didn't finish his dinner? He died.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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I don't have friends, so I'm anti-social.

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What did the Mexican say to the Pirate? Can I have a pound for my bus, pal?

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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Potassium? K.

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A black man walks into a bar and he orders a margarita. The bartender says that the margaritas are exceptionally delicious in this bar. He was right.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Nothing, you should call a local animal rescue number and care to its needs.

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Why did little Billy not eat all his carrots? He does not care about his vision.

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What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

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What do dragonflies do when they are a couple? One sits on the others head, causing the bottom dragonfly to have a loss of vision, and increases the weight on the bottom dragonfly, which increases the chance of both the dragonflies deaths.

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whats black and strange a paki

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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Yo' mama's so poor that she can't afford many of the privileges of everyday life.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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