What does an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Repeated jokes.

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Once upon a time, your dog got hit by a car this morning

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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How do you make someone laugh? Tell them this joke.

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Who is fat, stupid and pretty dam ugly? (hint: look in mirror)

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I forgot how the joke starts but the punchline goes something something something your moms a slut.

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Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have to go to the bathroom.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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I dyed my armpit hair blue yesterday because I wanted to start a new trend. My boyfriend later broke up with me.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupter. Interrupter who? Interrupter Jones.

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Why did the girl throw away her hairspray? Because she realized the harmful contaminants emitted from the nozzle were expediting the deterioration of the ozone layer thus contributing to global warming.

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Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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What's worse than eating a baby? Eating two babies filled with maggots.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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