- Anti Joke

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line.

Knock knock. Who's there? Robert. Robert who? Robert Anderson.

What have you got there? Hitler's gas bill... Oh.. don't show him that, he'll be furious Whys that? He can't read.

What's the difference between Megan Fox and a dead baby? I'll eat Megan Fox before I fuck her.

Why did little polly fall off her her roof? Because she saw a ice-cream van

Why is a man like a packet of cards? Both are organic.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was jewish and saw a nickel on the other side

Jesse is so fat that Roy is jealous of his big ass tits

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

Why did the chicken cross the road?? So he could tell me to tell this joke to everybody and therefore prevent the universe from exploding

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

What is green and red all over? A christmas tree that is internally bleading.

Knock, Knock Who's there? Dave. Dave, who? Dave, your neighbor, I ran out of eggs making a quiche, could I borrow a few?

Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Here comes the groom, carrying a broom, because somebody spilled something on the floor.

Q: What do you call cheese that's not your own? A: Someone else's cheese

Roses are red, violets are blue, shit is brown and so are you

so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

Why cant Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he is married.

How are elephants and plumbs the same? A: They are both purple, except for the elephant.

A Man Walks into a Bar with a Dog. He is blind, and is promptly guided to his seat by other patrons.

What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? The black man has a family of four and is working 12 hours a day at a minimum wage job to afford the high rent, the utility bills, and to buy the pizza to feed his family.

What did the one man say to the other man? What? I don't know , I wasn't there, that's why I'm asking.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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