What do the Irish do on their birthdays? Eat birthday cake and sing happy birthday

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did a monkey fall out of a tree? He slipped on a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did john have to have back surgery He needed his back "screwed" up

thumb_up thumb_down +1

One day a black guy bought some fried chicken. The clerk said: Lol you guys always eat chicken! Lol said the black guy, yeah I am here a lot. Clerk: No I meant your kind of you know... I KNOW WHAT? Clerk: You guys at the studio next door! Oh, yeah, lol I almost thought you meant my skin color! Clerk: You fucking Negroes always thinking we are racist...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your momma's so fat: She fears a lower life expectancy and consequently not seeing her grandchildren grow up.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 brutally murdered 6's entire family.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would you do if I ripped your face off? Bleed to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I have alzheimer's Hey I just met you Coopn8r

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did jonathan not get any presents for the holiday?because it was the 4th of July

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was the boy crying? Because he got hit by a bus. Why did he get hit by a bus? Because his mom was laughing. Why was his mom laughing? Because she was driving the bus. Why was she driving the bus? Because the boy fell off a swing. Why did he fall off a swing? Because he didn't have any arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because his diabetic monkey had the flu. Why did his diabetic monkey have the flu? Because the boy was crying.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man finds a lamp and rubs it and a genie pops out and says he'll grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish I had a trillion dollars for which I can buy whatever my heart desires" and poof he gets it. The man says "I wish I had a beautiful wife for which I can love forever till the end of time." and poof he gets it. Finally, his 3rd wish he says "I wish I have my own country for which I can rule as king and become the greatest ruler in history." and poof he gets it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the mute person tell the deaf person? Nothing. Even if sound could emit from his vocals the impaired of hearing person would still be unable to respond unless they have taken classes to read lips. The deaf person didn't take classes nor did the mute person learn sign language.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +1

American: Nice cowboy hat Australian: hahahahahaha American: What's so funny? Australian: You're so incompetent... American: What does incompetent mean? Australian: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Trollface.svg/200px-Trollface.svg.png

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first? Give us the bad news first, the parents reply. Your baby has red hair, says the doctor. Well whats the good news, ask the parents. It’s dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A: Knock Knock (waits for an answer) oh there's no one in.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

hey do you eat out a woman properly? you cook her first and then eat her. -jeffery dahmers

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mamma's so short that she is 12 inches below the average height of a woman at her age.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops