What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats as Heavy as a rock and also as light as a feather? Any object in space because the lack of gravity to give the object weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the fat man get thrown out of an all you can eat buffet? He molested a waitress

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the guy eat pizza? Because he likes pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats worse then a child with a dead mom? the baby is still inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's green and can dance? A Cloud. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you add two boys and two girls in a basement? Four people fearing their lives during a tornado.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Mickey Mouse peed on a house what color was it? It wasn't a color, or any pee for that matter. Mickey Mouse is a fictional character for children's amusement.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than dying in a car wreck with your family? You being the only one that dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

This planking craze is really taking over... my elderly nextdoor neighbour has been planking in her garden for three days straight!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A: This question has many different possible answers due to the range of sizes and shapes of bath tubs available on the market, and also depending on the size of the baby in question. It is therefore only possible to give a specific example.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black, jew, mexican, and american are on the boat. The boat begins to sink. As an idea, they all throw stuff off the boat to try to stay afloat. The black throws off cotton, the jew throws off yamakas, and the mexican throws off sombreros. Then, the american throws off the mexican because there are too many in his country. The mexican drowns. The boat still sinks and the american goes to hell while the other go to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's the difference between Catholism and Judiasm? A: There are many substantial and vital distinctions between Judaism and Christianity. Of course, there are many similarities as well, primarily because Christianity emerged from Judaism. However, the emergence was not a direct line. Christianity broke from Judaism, forming a new religion, so it is misleading, however comfortable the thought might be, to believe that the two religions are essentially the same, or to see Christianity as the natural continuation of Judaism.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops