- Anti Joke

What's big fat and ugly? A monster

How do you tell identical twins apart? You can't. They look identical.

How did the girl cross the road? -She didn't, she died because she was blind and didn't see the "don't walk" sign.

What do you call five black me pushing a car? "Very nice young men who helped me when I broke down," according to my grandmother.

What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 7 being the highest, what is you favorite color

The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

why was the boy mad? He had a lot of homework that evening

Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

Why did the shark eat the girl? Because she was ugly

eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a couch? A coat because vests don't have sleeves.

Why is the sky blue? You like men.

What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

How are baseball and basketball the same. They aren't football.

What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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