So a baby seal walks into a club.

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

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What is big white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree in winter A refrigerator

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How come the man could read the directions? Because it was right side up.

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What's big fat and hairy? Peter

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Why did the Grizzly bear refrain from attacking the hiker? It didn't. The hiker was torn to shreds within minutes.

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What's worse than breaking a leg? Breaking two legs.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A hasidic Rabbi and a member of Hezbollah enter a bar in a Jewish settlement. (No, of course they didn't.)

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What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. This one doesn't.

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Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Your Mom is so fat.... When she's goes to McDonald's and orders 3 Big Macs the people standing in line behind her all look at her with disgust and a tinge of pity.

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The number 69 is? Just a plain old number that has just as much meaning as 68 and 70.

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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