Scream went into the bar. The bartender says," Why the long face?" "..." *facepalm*

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What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

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Knock Knock Who's there Boo Boo who Boo I'm a ghost atleast act scared

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

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how many flys in a box six --sticksack

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what do you call balls on richards chin? a dick in his mouth

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Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

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His name is Frosted Mike, and he neither has nor does not have a penis.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just got AIDS, And soon so will you!

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Oh my god it's the twinkie mobile!

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Why can't Julius Caesar use a cell phone? Because he is dead.

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Why did the man lose the a race? 'Cause he has no legs

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don't do anything i wouldn't do first

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Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, 'Have you heard about this mad cow disease?' and the other says 'Good thing we're penguins.'

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What's worse than finding out your husbands gay...........finding out he's gay with your brother"

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salad days!

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Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

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Your mom is so ugly- Wait, hold on. How are you born?

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Roeses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, My Name Is Dave, Microwave

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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what happened to the man who fell off the boat? He died!

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What do all homosexuals have in common? Not much.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Before Marriage: Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will. Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: Never. Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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