Why was the little boy bald? Because he had leukaemia

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Why did the Grizzly bear refrain from attacking the hiker? It didn't. The hiker was torn to shreds within minutes.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

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A middle aged woman walks into a bar. Its Friday and there is a breeze in the air. She leaves shortly thereafter.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got to say I hate you!

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Whats worse than driving a Ford Taurus? Driving two Ford Taurus'

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What is worse than banging your knee on the coffee table? Tripping over one of the legs and smacking your head on the floor, causing a severe concussion.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple, not fucking blue.

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Disreguard Females Aquire Currency

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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Two guys fight over a girl. The girl gets up from under them.

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Stop reading these anti-jokes and go study for your externals!

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Why didn't little jimmy take out the trash? He is a rock

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Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

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Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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