How do u get a dog to sit? Teach it to sit then tell it to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

knock know. who there?.............. whose there?.........whose there!?!?! damn kids

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

No, but I am not just an author, the important thing is, that this kid has been stopped as we speak, as I said he was selling information to several clients on the deep web, and patterns do reveal that he was selling you out piece by piece while prepared to make a run for it once he delivered the vital details. Say, did you promote this guy a bit too fast or something? Either he knows as much as you do, or otherwise he has been learning the ins and outs of your little place pretty fast.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock Knock Who's there? Mormens...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was a recovering alcoholic who recently relapsed and drove his car through his garage. He took his anger out on his wife and kids. His wife kicked him out and filed for divorce. Conveniently, the liquor store is across the street.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

why did the woman walk into the kitchen? i don't know, but the better question is why she left in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: What present did the Taliban's wife get on the islamic holiday A: a beating

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's black and white and red all over? Nothing, it is impossible for something to be red all over if there is black and white also.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: What's the upside to your otherwise miserable life? A: You only got raped twice last week.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what's red and has seven feet? the red man who had seven feet as a result of a serious genetic mutation

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the 7 year old girl crying? Because its hard to laugh during gang rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mamas so fat that she went to the doctor and he said she has a very high case of diabetes so now she's trying to excerise more and watching what she eats.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you get rid of an STD? You give it to someone else.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

The Israeli asked the Japanese guy to open his eyes The Japanese guy said, I'm not squinting you crazy Jew. You're the one that sold me these cheap glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What does a black kid get from Christmas? a blunt

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is it scientifically proven that even Spider-Man would be a match for Superman? Because none exist. Moral: The only Super Hero... not scientifically proven, but I exist so that makes me stronger than both of them!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A guy walks into a bar. But this was a bar like a pole, so the man ended up with a broken nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what is the difference between the dead baby and the sandwich? i don't put my penis into the sandwich before i eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Your mama was so fat that when she did the splits she gave the floor a hickey

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did they bury the firefighter behind the hill? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops