How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How can you make a Russian happy? Giving him two tickets for him and his wife to Disneyworld.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the boy reading a book do?  Well, studies show that reading connects the synapses in the human brain, thus, making said boy reading the book a tad bit smarter.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

yo mama's so dumb, she had to retake the 11th grade.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did single women didn't want any babies for? because of Ice Ice Baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

mario squashes another goomba when his wife hears of this he kills her 3 children with a gun and hangs herself.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did Raymond say when josh ate him? Nothing because Raymond was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

96 right now there mad at each other but pretty soon it will look like this 69

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: If you're driving down the street in your canoe and the wheels fall of, how many pancakes does it take to shingle your dog's garage? A: 27, because bananas have no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo momma so ugly that she is unpleasant to look at

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you find the population of Mexico? Send out a census

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did simran go over to maliyah and emma and andrea and alice and amanda and Every other fat ugly chicks house? Cause he cant fu*k anybody else!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Micheal Jackson walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If the blue dog falls out of sample object, how many bananas does my mom eat? No, because markers can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What does a blond do when she stops at a red light? She gets arrested.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? NONE A YO F******G BUSINESS!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops