Q: Why did Timmy cry? A: You would too if you had your arm cut off

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why did jimmy fall of of the tractor? Because he is a potato

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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What did the man say to the other man. Hi

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A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

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What did one muffin say to the other Muffin? Nothing, muffins have no method of communication in any way shape or form

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Why are all black people fast? because all the slow ones are in jail.

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What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck!

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? ...Because he was buried in a churchyard.

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A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican are on a boat, stranded in the middle of the ocean. Feeling a bit hot due to the above average temperature of an early april afternoon, the white guy and the mexican strip down to enjoy a refreshing dip in the water a few feet from the boat. The black guy, feeling a bit left-out and perhaps even envious at the apparent fun of the other two, speaks up "Hey fellas, do you think one of you could come sit in the boat so it doesn't float away so that maybe I can enjoy the water too?" Hearing this, the white guy and the mexican look at each other utterly astonished. Grasping for a rebuttal, the white guy gathers some courage and says "Do you really think that's a good idea?... You JUST finished your sandwich."

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

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why did everyone laugh at the kid in the wheel chair as he entered the room? he was poor

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

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What do you call a red ballon? It depends on its color duh!

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Why did the boy get his head slammed in a car door? Because his mother did not love him, and thought it was an appropiate action.

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Why was little Jimmy sad? Because his mum died.

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What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? Thousands of years of different evolutionary tracks resulting from different climates and available food sources.

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An Irishman and an Englishman are having a heated conversation about Rugby in a pub. Another Irish comes to the pub.. He is promptly given a bar stool and menu so that he can order.

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Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? He's dead.

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What's worse than dying in a car wreck with your family? You being the only one that dies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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