How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

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antonio has a penis head.lol

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Roses are gray, violets are blue; I'm red-green colorblind so I occasionally have difficulty seeing most shades of red or green.

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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"I have a job perfromance review today!" Earl told his wife. "Good luck, I will make you a special dinner tonight," Melinda, his wife, responded.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None, they couldn't cross the border.

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What color is a red house Red What color is a blue house Blue What color is a white house White What color is a green house Clear

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What's the different between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my penis up your butthole

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the stoplight turned green

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Why did the man get a DUI? Because he was driving under the influence.

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What do you do to Jewish people? You Challah at them.

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what did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware river? Get in the boat.

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What's the difference between my girlfriend and a dead baby? I don't make out with my girlfriend after sex.

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How do you make something disappear from your hand? Throw it somewhere that's out of sight,

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

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What's the scariest thing about the dark? There's a black man in my bed.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Now on breaking news!: Man found hanged upside down in a forest with 403 lethal knife-stabs in his back! Policeman: "We have concluded this is indeed the worst case of suicide ever"

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Get up Look in the mirror

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Terry's penis oh wait! what penis But I'm not a rapper

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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What is the difference between a baleen whale and a black guy? One speaks and one says EEEEEEERRRROOOOOWWOWOWOWOOWRR!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops