A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's faster, a train or a bike? A horse because a cow gives milk

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Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

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Why can't you lie to atoms? Because they make up everything!

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Your mother is so large she finds it difficult to fit into regular sized clothing

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WHat is funnier than a baby swimming. - A baby drowing.!

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Text this number just cuz 16305208722

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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A bar walks into Chuck Norris.

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Q. What happened to the women who cut her finger? A. she got staff infection and died.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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Why couldn't the morbidly obese man get on a cruise ship? He didn't have a ticket.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? A waste of time because they just be playing soccer

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

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How do you make a person cry? You bury them alive.

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Anything you like, he's blind.

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What's worse than a teacher yelling at you? The holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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