Roses are red, violets are red, Tulips are red, bushes are red.... WTF MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do u do to blow off steam? I simply go to the top of the empire states building, poor gasoline in a bag, put a baby in it, light it on fire, and through it off the side. problem?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's worse than a rapist? 2 rapists

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

kkkk

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue You just lost the game UMAD Bro?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's red and can sing? Elmo

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the baby fall off the swing? Because i hit it with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What ryhmes with turtle? räpe

thumb_up thumb_down +20

One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and then the final bell rung. The fight began and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing you say when you don't want to fight anymore and you let the other person win?" The other guy says to the challanger, "I give up?" Then the challenger yells. "I WIN!"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

i put a oie in the oven, it baked

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's John Lennon doing these days? Decomposing.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You wanna hear a clean joke? Mary takes a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops