like most people my age. im 27

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See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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How many pancakes does it take to make a dog house? None because alligators don't fly.

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

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Q: why did Suzie drop her ice cream? A: because she got hit by a bus.. Q:knock knock who's there? A: not Suzie

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl Scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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What happend when they were 3 guys in the air? They were skydiving

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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Hi im a joke i eat turtles

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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