Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

Knock Knock? Whos there? Not Madeleine McCann.

How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

Why did Batman brush his teeth? So he wouldn't get bat breath

MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

Knock knock Whos there Who Who who Don't stutter it was just a joke

I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

Knock Knock Who's there? Sorry, wrong house.

69...you know how awkward this is now...

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

What do you do if your walking into a room full of Lions and Jaguars? You stop walking.

Why did Justin Bieber cross the road? Because the chicken chose him as a decoy.

What's the difference between a bench and a mexican? A bench is an inatimate object that people sit on and a mexican is a person of mexican descent

What's big, black, and girls love to ride on? A horse

Q: What's one thing that 5 out of 6 people always agree on? A: Gang Rape

Q: Whats more funny than a pile of dead babies? A: The one in the center eating its way out

Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first Monkey. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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