A man with a barbie doll walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says "I bet you $100 that I can turn this barbie doll into a beautiful lady". The bartender laughs and says "Okay." The man takes out a brush and begins brushing the doll's hair. Seconds later the man has a seizure and falls to floor a dies. It turns out he was a drug addict and had a fatal over dose. The bartender never got his $100.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q:What did the frog say to the mailman? A:Nothing theres no mail on Sunday's.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the boy fail his test? Because he got shot before he could even study.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

did you hear about the fly on the toilet? i heard he got pissed off!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? It is unlikely that this situation would occur, as tractors are very large objects and losing one would be very hard, furthermore, tractors are vital agricultural vehicles and most farmers would take care in not misplacing one.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? The question just posed is unanswerable, as in order to state the reasoning for the chicken crossing the road, one would have to assume the a chicken has a concept of 'road'. As the chicken is an avant, we can safely say that it has no need of pavements/ sidewalks or roads. As a result, it cannot possibly have an incentive for doing so. Consider the following hypothetical analogy: you are walking in a forest, and you unknowingly cross another animals scent trail. You cannot possibly say WHY you walked across the scent trail, as you didn't know it was there. You can state your reasoning for walking in the first place, but not for crossing that specific scent trail. In conclusion, this question is unanswerable, due to the chicken's lack of knowledge about roads.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

whats black and white and covered in blood Michael Jackson being stabbed

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. The owner of the stand marveled at how close such an adorable duck was to him and proceeded to sell lemonade undisturbed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Johnny play piano with one hand? Because he lost his other one in a mining accident when he was 10. Johnny lives in rural Perú so he had to support his 6 younger brothers and sisters by working in a child factory.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you get a blonde's number? You ask her, but she probably won't give it to a loser like you.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you call leprechaun with leprosy? Sick.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock Knock. Who's there? [no one] After that day, Dave moves out of the house assuming that a ghost knocked on his door.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happens when you give a guinea pig a cherry? He turns into satan.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what did jacob say to coach a joke

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue,All you HATERS of J. Bieber, Go suck your MOTHER.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did Sammy get for Christmas? Raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the black man walk into the white house? Cause he lives there because he is our president

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a blonde falling off a cliff? Screwed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, It's none of my business.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a dog that has no legs? It doesn't matter because he will never come.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops