What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What did the kid with no arms get for his birthday? A sock puppet.

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A black man and a mexican jump of a building to see who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society.

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What goes up and down but never physically moves? My grade.

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What's worse than depression? Having depression and killing yourself

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How many moms does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They make you do it!

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Why did hitler kill the Jews? Because he had sever mental illnesses and anyone who thinks the holocaust is funny deserves to die a slow death.

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how do you get a nun pregnant? have unprotected SEX with her, resulting in expulsion from her convent

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Why did the Old Lady cross the road? Because the worm selected her as a weapon

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how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw 'em.

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Why did the bakery run out of the business? They weren't making enough dough

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Trampoline.

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What do you call a cat with a pop tart for a body and rainbows flying out of its butt? Nyan Cat

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Whats funny? Your face.

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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 1

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I have your mom in bed just kidding, i killed her Then barried her

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What's big, red, has green and puple spots and responds to "here boy"? Nothing, not to my knowledge anyway!

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It was a chilly saturday afternoon coles's brother asked cole to baby sit cole said yes and when his brother left cole proceeded to give it to his niece in the ass. Little did cole know he said his little niece on fire that was the end of his little nieces life.

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Why did the money due? Because it fell out of the tree

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Whats long and hard and women like to suck on them? A popsicle or long lollipop

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why was the boy sad his whole family just died in a plane crash

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have stage IV Ovarian Cancer.

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What do you get when you skin a potato? A screaming kid with autism and no skin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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