Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "why the long face" and the horse says "my wife just died of skin cancer."

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whats worse then getting a bad present on your birthday? dying.

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A guy is taking a pee in the ocean and a fish swims up and drinks the pee. The fish says "thanks for the lemonade."

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Q. Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? A. She dropped it as she got into the van

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Doesn't matter, had sex. Except for the STD's I possibly contracted.

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What's worse than a bruise in your knee? A bruise in your other knee. And what is worse than that? The Holocaust. And what is worse than that? A second Holocaust, much bigger, with much more casualties.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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A man walks into a restaurant and asks a waiter, "Do you serve crabs here?" The waiter says, "Certainly! In fact, stuffed crab is today's special."

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Why did the man launch his rocket into the sun? He didn't. Overcoming the sun's orbital pull would require your rocket to travel ~7,400,000 mph, which is a velocity that is impossible for today's rockets to reach.

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What did the tree say to the plant. Nothing tree's cant talk.

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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why did the chicken eat his brother? he was a canivore

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What's worse than nailing 10 babies to a wall? Ripping them off.

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A woman walked into a college.....which wasn't suprising because she never learned to read

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Whats black and white and red all over? Genital Warts...

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OMG I JUST FOUND THE GREATEST WEBSITE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS http://anti-joke.com/submit

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Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

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How many babies does it take to paint a fence? depends on how hard you throw them.

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Q. How many blondes does it take to put in a lightbulb? A. Cause of 7,8,9!

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Gullible is not in the dictionary Yes it is

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He realized he was in the ghetto

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Why did the black man drown? Because he grew up in a poor neighborhood, where no one had a pool, and so he never learned how to swim

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welcome to australia. *kangaroo kicks you in the gut and you keel over, whereupon you are stampeded by wild dingoes and eaten by tasmanian devils*

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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