- Anti Joke

What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

Whats worse than getting shot? Getting shot twice.

What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

your mom.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares? Seriously, who, on this planet, bothers to care about such a trivial matter? Is it really that important to you that must be given clarification as to why a random bird species just happened to cross a road? Will knowing benefit your life in some fashion? Well I'd like to know how. Ha! Perhaps you feel that, if you have the answer revealed to you, it will give you extra guidance of some sort in raising a chicken as a pet, or training a chicken to perform tricks for an animal contest, or something along those lines. Well I'm afraid you are out of luck, as I will not tell you. By reading this passage, you are wasting so much precious time. As you keep reading, seconds pass and you only waste more. You could be doing so much more with your life right now. Instead, you could be studying a topic that you might need to be knowledgeable about in the future. You could be shopping for goods. You could be painting a nice picture, writing a short story, or composing a piece of music. You could be getting exercise, or cleaning your house, or spending time with family, or even raising money for charity. There are countless meaningful tasks that you could be carrying out which would benefit you and others around you, including those who are less fortunate than you. But no. Instead you choose to do nothing, reading useless and forgettable anti-jokes on a crummy website, with a strange, fruitless desire of knowing why a chicken crossed a road. You must have such a sad life. You know what? I pity you, so I have decided that I will tell you why the chicken crossed the road. But only if you want to know. You might not want to know by this point. Do you still want to know? Are you sure you do? Are you really, really sure? Because I'm gonna tell you, regardless. Just keep reading! Don't take your eyes off the screen! You will find out exactly why the chicken crossed the road in 3... 2...1... and here we go! Ready, kids? The chicken crossed the road because... because... because... whoops, actually, I forgot. Sorry.

A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

What's worse then failing a test. Being raped by a horse

Q: What is white, and comes out of a woman? A: No, milk you perve

How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

your skull would make a nice pen holder

What is yellow and dangerous? Shark infested butter

Committing Suicide #YOLO

What do you do when you see a plumbers crack. Tell him he has another crack to fill

Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

Man hears son masturbating in room. The dad enters the room and tells him "Son if you keep jacking off you will go blind". The boy replies "Dad I"m over here".

If life hands you melons. Your probably dyslectic.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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