How do you make a clown sad? You kill his family.

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why did the little boy start to cry? because his parents didn't love him

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how do you wake up lady gaga? you throw her on the ground.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Neither does the chicken. (you're supposed to laugh...)

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How did the carpenter do on his exam? Poorly so his parents killed him.

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My spelling is horrible

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't eat pizza

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What’s funnier than cancer? Most things, really.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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Whats green and fuzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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So, why won't the blonde date the Asian guy? Because she's afraid of commitment.

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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(Something terribly disturbing that people find funny)

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What do you get when you mix a refrigerator with a microwave? A refrigerated microwave.

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what will hit the ground first an apple or Obama The apple, obama was stopped by a rope

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the awkward moment when your mom wakes you up and you realize she died six years ago

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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Why did the pumpkin when orange is not a letter in Spanish? Because moon shoes are der milf

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

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What grows on trees and is woody? Wood.

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What's the difference between Little Billy and Ice Cream? People like Ice Cream.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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