What's the difference between a lamp?

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

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What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile Get in the batmobile

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

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Think of a number, add it by 7, subtract it by 2, and multiply it by 4. Now close your eyes, isn't it dark?

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What does a black man and a monkey have in common? Until February 3rd 1870 neither could vote in America. Monkeys still can't. 

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how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

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What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

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whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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whats yellow and very big? I dont know. no one will tell me

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops