What's the difference between a lamp?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats white and sticky? Glue.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What starts with a J, and burned in the oven? My Jumbalaya, i left it in for too long...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the banana say to the apple? Nothing, although on a deoxyribonucleic acid level, bananas are technically sharing 50% of their genes with us, humans, but yet still have the incapability to produce its own voice. In addition, apple can't talk either due to their lack of nerves, veins, arteries, and diaphragm, therefore bananas not apple cannot produce sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What does a black man and a monkey have in common? Until February 3rd 1870 neither could vote in America. Monkeys still can't. 

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the schoolgirl say to some of the people of Anti-Joke.com? You're sick. Stop talking about the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

whats yellow and very big? I dont know. no one will tell me

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down +19

whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops