How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

Knock knock. Who's there? Penguin. Penguin who? The penguin who apparently lives next door and somehow developed the ability to successfully interact with other species through gesture and retoric.

What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

Friend: Dude are you going to see the hunger games? Me: But i alreay seen it Friend: Dafuq? its not even out yet. Me: African children invented the hunger games. Friend: -.-

Albino African Americans

whats worse than find a worm in your apple? finding the holocaust in your apple.

Why did the chicken cross the road? For no specific reason, Chickens don't think much.

Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was suicidal.

One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

So Superman walks into a bar right, WRONG, Superman flies into bar

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid blanket? Because after years of drug abuse and sexual insecurity led to him thinking unrealistically during the birth of his children.

What's brown and smells like shit? An oddly shaped birthmark on a dirty homeless man

What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? He said "Get in the car".

How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

WHat is funnier than a baby swimming. - A baby drowing.!

according to the ewspickle, it is Dumbledore's favorite food.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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