What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

how do we call a person with no body nor nose? a dead guy

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why didn't the mexican make the basketball team? He had never practiced and was overweight

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the lawyer name is daughter? Caroline, in honor of his grandmother who died in THe Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

my hand is a DOLPHIN!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your dad is so gay, he lovingly marries another man and selflessly adopts you.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Once there was a pig named Poga. When he grew up, he was slaughtered and made into bacon.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I was flying in the sky but lost control and crashed. I woke up on the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"Have you seen the food African kids eat?" "No.." "NEITHER HAVE THEY!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's white and gluey Glue

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What did the tree say as he fell? A: Studies have shown plants in general do not have a voice box, thus making plants incapable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the car's airbag go off? He hit a boy eating his ice cream

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the black man go to prison? He committed a crime that had a penalty of several years in the state penitentiary.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the schoolgirl say to some of the people of Anti-Joke.com? You're sick. Stop talking about the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops