If life gives you lemons, you're setting up a bad joke

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How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

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whitney housten was supposed to sing at my funeral... but i dont think thats gonna happen. ;(

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why do police kill so many young black men in America? it's a difficult question that deserves a thoughtful response. many complex issues are at play, but we also feel a sense that something must be done. we cannot ignore some of the forces at work here, yet we cannot all personally take responsibility, either. or maybe he wanted to steal his girl. that shit really happens. THAT SHIT LEGIT HAPAPNES.

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I saw 2 jews talking. I threw in a penny and watched them fight to the death. I did the same with 2 catholic preasts exept I threw in a baby boy

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Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

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Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The IRS. All your base are belong to us.

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hes an electrician

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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Why did the plane crash? Because a tomato was the pilot.

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A man walks into a dairy. Most people will not get this as it is cultural slang and they will think it is referring to dairy products.Oh well. This was going to be a good joke.

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what did the cow say to shabab?....... want some milk

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why did the chicken eat chicken noodle soup? Because he killed his brother.

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Where did the RICH black man go to? His home

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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