What do you call a man in front of three trains that have explosives tied to them and that are making amazingly loud noises? An idiot who obviously can't identify danger and probably had a childhood injury that cause his life to be ruined forever most likely cause by an evil uncle.

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What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

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what is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are people and regularly attend a synagogue and pizza is and italian food that many people find to be enjoyable to eat

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why did the family get sick?? because i fucked a girl with a parsnip then sold the parsnip to a family with 4 small children

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1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

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Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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How do you help a black person find a job ? Tell them places that are hiring.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Why didn't Johnny's father come home? He was killed in Afghanistan.

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What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies? There isn't a BMW in my garage.

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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once upon a time jess was happy this once upon a time was a very long time ago, BABADOOK !

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bike? they both get hit by cars in shady neighborhoods, like Copiague, New York

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Nope.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies " My daughter just died of leukemia."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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q: what do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex? a: sex, just like everyome else calls it

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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THAT AWKWARD MOMENT... nuff said

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roses are red violets are blue show me your bed i wanna fuck you oh and roses are red violets are blue nice tits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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