My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

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Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

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A guy walks into a bar. He goes to the hospital with a severe head injury and dies.

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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What did the driver have when he got hit by another car? An accident.

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Whats the difference........ Between a duck?

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Fat? Jesse Z

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How did the Mexican get across the boarder? He applied for a student visa. He was a promising young scholar who had no trouble being accepted to a prestigious college.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Want to hear a popular joke? Women's Rights

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? eating the worm causing it to breed inside of your body later causing them to eat you internally

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The unfortunate child in a pedophile's basement who the police have yet to find.

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There once was this guy and he fell down

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Whats the difference between a bench and a black man? A bench is an inanimate object incapable of speech, emotion, or thought process.

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What the flower say to the bird. Nothing

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Wife: "I suggest you check properly next time you lose your keys so that you find them quicker" Husband: "I suggest that next time I sit down and have a beer while I wait for Doc Martin and his time machine to give my keys back.

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What do you call a Harry Beaver? A beaver with lots of hair.

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What do you do when you find a black man rolling around on the ground? Stop laughing and reload.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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Why did the mans nuts itch he had crabs

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How do you get a baby to stop crying Cut its head off

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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What does a frog in a blender sound like? *WWWRRRRRRRBFFFFZZZZZCHWEEERRRRRR*

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How do you punish Helen Keller You don't, she's dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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