Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

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Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

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What's worse than a papercut? Dying

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Twelve people are in a plane. One of them says: "Man, we really are not so many in this plane" Another one replies: "It's because it's a 12 seats plane." Another says: "Do 12 seats planes even exist?" Another one answers: "Of course they do." Another person says: "Guys, are we even flying?" Someone says: "I don't know" Another says: "Yes, we're flying, look out the window." Another says: "I have cancer." Someone reacts: "Oh, I'm really sorry for you" Another: "Yes, me too" Someone adds: "It's really terrible" Another says: "Has science made any progress recently?" The plane crashes.

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So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

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roses are red, violates are blue, you left me for David, I am about to kill you *bam* *bam**bam*

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how do you make a cripple depressed? stairs..

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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My friend came in the barber's shop and asked me to cut his hair for him, i always have rude banter with him and i made a joke about his big bate nose. He acused me of calling him Jewish and threatened to sue me. This is how i found out that he was a white supremisist.

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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Two monkeys are sitting in a tree. One monkey looks to the other monkey and says, "I bet I can jump from this tree to the next tree without falling." The other monkey replies, "I'm sure you could. You're a monkey."

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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Glad to hear from you too (should I call you sister now? Thats gonna be a bit rough, but I guess I was never old enough to be your stepfather either this is making my headache worse, I sure as hell wont suicide... That unless you do not call my wife that is... Nah, its just that from what we have been seeing from the cams, these guys are killing people left and right, and well, if anyone of them kill the cops, these bad boys are going to kill everybody, and they obviously mean it. (Well I have also seen a lot of cartoon crocodiles playing the guitar on the wall which might come help us in a pinch, but it might sadly just be the fever). What I am trying to say, is that if my boys are as rusty as I arm (got it?) then they wont make it without the main man, actually, while I personally never wanted to fight for my people literally, especially not to the death, much of this is my fault too, I should have demanded that little bitches such as your father do as I say, or just leave the plac Never got the cigar joke huh? I always told you I am going to smoke my first last cigar the day I know I am gonna die, and while I did not mean it literally then, well... Its not a cigar its a stick of some very high explosive whose name I remember when I am not you know... Crocodilles, hey, its even Mickey Mouse there... Finally a chance to kill that piece of shit. Or maybe I wont smoke it, got to ask my "shadows" how strong it really is, I wont want to kill both of the assholes that got me, and every single of my followers in the process, good thing we got a nice bunch of members huh? And that many are here, and others found their way out somehow, because if we had less, they would all be dead by now... And I cant do shit, problem with my boys, is that they will do much better at infiltrating the place if they know of all the secret entrances and exits this paranoid son of a literal shedog put around... And look at them "Neronists" finally appreciating them as they get out of the place trough them. Well not all our places got them, told you I should have demanded what I wanted rather than... Never mind... Honestly, call my "shadow people" and them my wife, not sure how long I want to look at those that chose to follow me into what has already become a massacre, so if I make it, I will make sure those that remain not only listen, but actually fucking heed me or gtfo! It might just be the jaw hurting like hell again, but after this there wont be no Mr.Nice guy again... Not that there really was, I am just saying my new attitude will make people remember me as a pretty nice guy in comparison. I wont kill your father, seems like he will be suffering for life now, he knows he had many chances to change things around and now and he knows it might just be too late now. Either that, or that I decided to break all of his fingers after he attacked me... How dare a tall big man, attack a poor feverish crippled, demented, psychopath with a broken jaw... Did not help the thoughtless son of a bitch tried to punch me in... The Jaw... either. Damn, I was thinking about getting into action asap, but these "Black Shadows" wont get here in like two days, and then its two days to get back... Listen, id love a response, but I just got more of these medications "for my fever" but my jaw does not hurt anymore, and I am falling asleep, so either some douche pulled a roofie on me or that other pill I took was a painkiller. Take care, and remember, I always got a backup plan if the backup plan fails, aaaaaaand as I am starting to get very "whooly" in the head, I am just thinking: Nah if I get shot a lot, there is always Robocop right? Nerocop? Okay I assume this is just for robots and police officers, sorry to say this before I go nitenite, but should I tell you to call the cops on these guys? They have filled the place with explosives, its like a fucking die hard movie except with a lot less broken glass and... Not so many dead yet, I mean things have calmed down now that our vets are done struggling, sigh... Them veterinarians being all macho and not really defending themselves... Or was it war veterans... Mr Crocodile number seven is telling me that I should stop making fun of people dying (but people die all the time!) or else I wont get to kill Mickey Mouse. Anyway, holy crap these meds are strong as hell, my mouth is foaming like shit and I need to end because I am standing even though I cant feel my legs... Oh right, I am sitting holy crap! Take care girl, at this rate ill be remembered as the certain one that supposedly makes incredible promises, but then takes people`s souls... You know... GOD? *Cant stop laughing* Sorry just trying to find something profound to say, maybe some mighty last words such as... Oh right I am going to contact you tomorrow... ...Talk about "mighty" "last" words... I cant feel my... Well lets just say I better go take a leak just in case... I hope I was not always this much of a loudmouth fuck... I mean... Nah you turned out just fine after all... Its time you got to bed too, dont reply, call my wife, then call my brother, and tell him that he is a piece of shit, and that if I die, ill be waiting for him in hell... And then kill him for me. I believe his weakness is a bullet to the head. See you around, nitenite. Ps: Ironically no coding here, its just that while I cant stop talking, I cant speak nor shout either, cant move my feet, maybe breaking that baggots hands was a bad idea... This is like 15 minutes later, a couple of fucking nurses are gonna help me when I am done writing, two male nurses blargh, maybe they will just let me stay here if I keep on typing for all of eternity... Never mind, I typed in big letters "Get me those pretty female ones!" and then apparently did not delete it, they left, hopefully something... Lol... "Promise them a better life, and then claim their souls so they might eternally serve you" The Black Angel Or God? WHEN I survive I am gonna go back to posting these FACTS every once in a while here again. God Mathew 0:69 I believe... Sorry I keep forgetting who I am typing to, and my hands are so numb I cant mash the space butoon, oh wait its delete, or backspa... Anyway chat you up tomorrow kiddo.

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Your mother is so fat because she inherited poor genes and dietary habits from her own parents.

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why was the pen mad at the pencil? it wasnt. objects don't have feelings

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what do you call a black man with a job? dont know, has never happened.

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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Q: A giraffe fell in a hole and died. Which was taller the Lion or Giraffe? A: The Giraffe was before it died

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

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whats the hardest part about eating a vegitable getting your mouth around the wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


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