How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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An american, a mexican, and an asian are on a boat. The boat is sinking because it is too heavy. The people decide to throw off things that they have a lot of in their country. The asian throws rice off the boat saying, "We have plenty of rice at home." The mexican throws tacos off the boat saying, "We have plenty of tacos at home." The american throws out the mexican saying, "We have plenty of mexicans at home."

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My friends a Jehovahs Witness. He got all pissed at me because he tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.......i totally stole this joke lol.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

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What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

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Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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there was a lesbian, a bi-sexual and a homosexual at a wine bar having a drink.......They had a great night

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What did the frat guy drink after he lifted? A various assortment of beverages that were chilled at a cool 66 degrees.

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What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

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A monk went to a bar. He soon came out because he realized he didn't have cash because he left his wallet in his other robe.

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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Why was the man so angry? Because the woman was not in the kitchen

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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What's scarier than a ghost? Practically anything as ghosts aren't real.

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How does a black man get to his parent's house on Christmas? He drives

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What do black people and asians have in common? arms

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Q: What do you say to someone who makes fun of you and is bigger than you? A: Nothing, you just punch him in the toe and run away

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What is more disappointed the Lake Disappointment? You

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why was 9 afraid of 6 ? because it made her pregnant

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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