“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two doctors were performing open heart surgery on a 54-year old woman. The surgery was a success, and she is now living comfortably in Portland, OR. She enjoys sweet tea.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A dyslexic man walks into a bra drinks a bear and leafs .....

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why doesnt Squidward wear pants? Because he likes to hang loose

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between a rhinoceros? I DIDN'T MURDER MY BROTHER OKAY!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a black man driving a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's wrong with black people? They tend to make mistakes, as do all humans

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than sex with a midget? Non-consensual sex with a midget.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? Because her mother inadvertently left the gate open while gardening.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the duck cross the road? It followed the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" The man responds "Let's have the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance paid for everything." Shocked, the man asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments will be covered."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock knock. Who's there? To To Who? To Whom.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guess what? Random shit. Why? Because almost nobody looks at the newest jokes to realize that 99.999% of jokes that just say random shit never get above the 0 mark.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than getting an "F" on a test? Stage diving with a kilt on.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How am I supposed to eat soup without an envelope?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is worse than finding dead parents? Not finding them.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't the mexican make a taco? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hey ask me if i'm a train? Are you a train? No...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q:What did the duck say to the other duck A:We are both ducks

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops