How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Man: Drink this. Man 2: Ok. (Drinks it) Man; You drank a powerful substance that is 20000 times stronger than hydrochloric acid! Man2: Oh FUCK! Kelvin Yang.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A farmer goes out to the coop to feed the chickens. They're all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man was driving to work when he realized he hadn't told his wife happy anniversary. He turned the car around to head back home only to remember that their anniversary was on Friday, not Thursday. The man shared some nervous laughter with himself as the radio played in the background. He continued on toward work and had a run of the mill day meeting with potential clients.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

thumb_up thumb_down +31

how do u unload the dishwasher? u take the dishes out!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do you get when you put a dead baby and some nails in a blender? A dead baby and some nails

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing because they are on opposite sides of the earth

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Two people walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why did helen keller fall down the stairs A; i pushed her

thumb_up thumb_down +27

An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

funniest joke ever!!!!!.....chris.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did one duck say to the other? Well, it said "Quack" but it's not certain if it was actually addressing the other duck or if it was just making a noise in response to some other stimulus.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How many midgets can you fit into a telephone booth? Well, it really depends on a lot of factors. The size and design of the phone booth itself is pretty important. Also, midgets really have a wide range of sizes, but we could do some analysis and find out the average at least. Based on that we could have an estimate done soon.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is worse than a little girl being raped by an old man? The accidental firing of nuclear weapons at the US and the US responding by launching nuclear missiles at an unknown enemy then assuming that targeting everyone will kill the enemy. Thus bringing an unprecedented and abrupt end to the world, in a cataclysmic nuclear holocaust. Leaving that little girl to be raped by mutated creatures - that survived the mass destruction - and eventually being consumed by those creatures.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why could the woman cook for her family? She didn't have one she was anti-social

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar..... Wait..... How?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the sexually promiscuous man get for Christmas? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you make $10,000 in 1 day? I don't know, but I wish I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

- Knock Knock - Whos there? - No one

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I got shot, you laughed

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops