What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.

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I you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a Coke.

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Just one.

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Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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One kid clicks his pen. The kid sitting next to home clicks his pen. They next 3 kids click their pens. The teacher walks by and says "monkey see monkey do." And the kid that first clicked his pen responded and says "monkey pees all over you."

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Want to hear a joke? Sorry, you're looking at the wrong website.

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What's the problem with blonde people? They don't have black hair.

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Whats worse than one pregnancy scare... two pregnancy scares...whats worse than two pregnancy scares? being forced to having consensual sex with a grizzly bear.

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What do clowns put on bagels? Cream Cheese

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

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What's worse than losing your job? 9/11

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Knock Knock Who's there? Hodor

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A gay guy walks into a bar. Nothing is said to him, because homosexuality is accepted in this area.

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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What did the giraffe say to the monkey? Nothing

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Do you want to hear a joke? Sure. Justin Bieber is straight.

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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What's green and wheels? Your mom.

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How is Stevie Wonder like Ray Charles? They are both talented musicians

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Why do redheads have red hair Because they were born like that.

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Q:What happened to the leprechaun when it jumped in the water? A:It got wet.

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What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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