What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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You cant spell chorus with out... Vagina!

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Why couldn't Sally celebrate hollaween? Because she's not allowed to take candy from strangers. Also Sally died a week ago in a car crash.

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Why did the mexican go back to mexico? He grew up there

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Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

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Give to the less fortunate. Date ugly people

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Doesn't matter, had sex. Except for the STD's I possibly contracted.

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Three nudists, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. No one finds it particuarly odd because the three are conscientious and wear appropriate clothing in public places.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being hit by a plane.

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What do Michael Jackson and most Catholic priests have in common? They're dead.

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Why doesn't Batman exist? Because he was made up.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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Why did the scientist go to the hospital? because he was experimenting with dangerous chemicals, and they exploded in his unsuspecting face. He doesn't have skin now.

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Why did the chicken cross the road It was being dragged to the other side by fox It's the way of life _._._

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What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

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What's the difference between Hurricane Sandy and Barrack Obama? One is a catastrophic event that resulted in thousands of deaths, countless power outages and homes destroyed, and millions of dollars in damages, and is said to be one of the worst tropical storms to ever hit the nation. The other is the President of the United States, who has put in an unbelievable amount of effort to fix our economy, create jobs, and make America a better place to live. So as you can see, the two things are extremely different. One must wonder why this question was even asked in the first place, as one is a human being and the other is a storm, making any common traits between them almost non-existent.

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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Ten black people are on the 100th floor of a 110 floor building. They are going to die because they are trapped in the World Trade Center and are leaving a very happy life with their loving families.

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I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

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WELCOME TO THE SECRET TOWARDS GOING BEYOND YOUR FIFTH SENSE... UNLOCKING YOUR SIXTH SENSE! (redux:Chronoshift extend Xr`d Utrawave edition) 1, Sound 2. sight 3.touch 4.Smell 5.Taste. 6.Balance? :( 7. Pressure :/ 8. Itch :O 9.Thermoception: Ability to sense heat and cold :S 10.Proprioception: This sense gives you the ability to tell where your body parts are. 11.Coordination. :/ 12. Nociception: In a word, pain. This was once thought to simply be the result of overloading other senses, such as “touch”, but this has been found not to be the case and instead, it is its own unique sensory system. There are three distinct types of pain receptors: cutaneous (skin), somatic (bones and joints), and visceral (body organs). Moral Man the Friendly arsonist, motherpounder: I SHALL GLADLY HELP YOU UNLEASH YOUR 12th SENSE TO ITS FULLEST DEGREE!

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Why did the man punch NUGE in the face? Because he got angry that NUGE was being such a BA person and he was jealous of NUGE'S style and he just got dumped by his ugly as poop mom which was eating Anti Chicken.

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A bear walks into a bar. Everyone evacuates as animal control safely asses the situation.

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A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. Another passenger sees the blonde in his seat and tells her she's in the wrong seat. "I'm not moving!" says the blonde. The passenger calls over the flight attendant. "Ma'am, you're supposed to be seated in economy class," says the flight attendant. "Please come with me." "No! I'm not moving!" The flight attendant informs the pilot. The pilot comes out, whispers in the blonde's ear, and then the two have wild sex, right in the open. Oh my God, you should have been there. She had the most incredible rack ever!!!

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? Nothing, it didn't get stuck in the first place because cows are incapable of climbing trees.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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