Why don't pineapples grow on pine trees? Because they're tropical.

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Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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Ask me if I'm a cucumber. Are you a cucumber? No.

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It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave

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Why did the blond cross the road? The police officer who arrested her for shoplifting parked his car on the other side of the street.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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No

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Bill goes and buys 45 watermelons, what does he have? 45 watermelons.

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A black man and a mexican jump off a building at the same time, who lands first? Who cares?

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what do eagles and moles have in common? they both live underground except for the eagle!

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-Doctor! Scientists in California have enough proofs to demonstrate that the Christian religion is false. -Oh my God!

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What does the ship say when it's cold? Shiver me timbers

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why did you poop because you are a poop

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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Why the kid can't get off the water? Because your feet is on his head

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What do you call 1 black guy and 9 other white guys? Patrick Mills

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WHO'S YO DADDY? the man who's semen combined with your mother's egg to create a child.

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A sober Irish individual.

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Why wouldn't they give Helen Keller a driver's liscense? Because she was a woman.

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Why did the chIcken cross the road? To escape the holocaust.

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Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

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Q: Why is asprin white? A: It works.

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Pick a number between 2 and 8. Now multiply that number by 9. Now add the 2 digits of that answer together. (example 18 is 1+8) Now subtract that answer number by 5. Now choose the letter below that corresponds to that answer. 1 = A 2 = B 3 = C 4 = D 5 = E 6 = F Now pick a country that starts with that letter. Now pick an animal where the first letter of the animals name is the last letter of the country's name. Now think of a color where the first letter of the colors name is the last letter of the animals name. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?

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A cat ran into the road...I hit it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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