What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Ebola, You're going to die.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Why did the mouse cross the road? Because he had been attached to the chicken with a nail gun.

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Roses are red, yup.

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Until further notice Penn State's take your child to work day has been canceled.

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What did Zeus say to Hades? Nothing. Both are mythological beings created by the Greek civilization to explain why many things in the world happened, mostly because of a lack of modern science.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Why are leprechauns so happy? The grass tickles their balls

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

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why does her hair shine so nicely? she uses good shampoo.

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I like that, yet I wonder if our subconscious knows what it is what we seek, maybe we need to tell ourselves that we will find happiness, and then the mind leads us there.

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if you don't like this you're gay

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I met her back in the 80s when she was a man.

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Nero, man, I mean I will hurt you, I am on my way to the hospital, and seriously that pic does not look real, seriously on a hospital? I mean man, I am really sorry! I nearly killed you, how was i supposed to know you do not care about your teeth and take half a bottle of that calcium stuff? My mom? Yeah sure! She laughed at the message you sent her, and if you touch my sis, ill kill you, anyway I am on my way, you better change your mind or I will kick your ass!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee and a zebra. A: A crossover between a chimpanzee and a zebra, mixed together.

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What did The Black man have for breakfast? Bran Flakes.

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What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

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What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

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Whats hard and long and used to penetrate women? A hypodermic needle.

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I am going to school I live in Ohio, but I'm at Germany How do I do it? I'm a blonde, nobody knows

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops