what did the astronomer say when he lost his telescope? where is my telescope?

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How do you make a kids parents mad? Fly an SR71-BLACKBIRD into him.

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I GOT YOUR BUTT PUSSY!

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What's worse than a bee sting? A katon.

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You've got more chins than a Chinese... Girl with a lot of chins, because she's so fat

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It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

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What smells like diarrhea and looks like poop? A rotten banana.

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Lets just say I work for some important people, not the feds that is for sure, ill tell you when we meet, not here. As for my condition, lets just say that I am profusely bleeding noseblood now and that is because I forgot to take my medication, and if I had no medicaions at all, I would have begun bleeding out of me ears end eye sockets, and ironically id die from a lot of other shit before bleeding to death, so thats not even the case. Its nothing common, but I bet people could find out about it pretty fast on wikipedia, and as much as I like throwing shit on random people here, I dont like bothering anyone with my problems, in this case, it came kinda sudden and unexpected, and I dont mind sharing my deepest aspects including this with my best friends, of which one of them you clearly are love.

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Q:What's the greatest part about having sex with twenty five year old girls? A: There's 20 of them

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why do giraffes have long necks? So they can reach higher, un-eaten leaves.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he just got paralized from the waist down and will never be able to walk again.

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A priest a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink

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whats worse than having the flu? having cancer

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Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

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whats sad about 4 black guy drivein off a cliff in a cadalic a wast of good cadalic

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What's the difference between a volleyball and a tree? They're both volleyballs except for the tree.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a psychopath

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What's black and blue and made of poo? A drowning black guy, holding some blue poop

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What goes up and down but never physically moves? My grade.

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every man comes from between a women's legs for the rest of their lives they try to get back in

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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Two penguins, sitting in a bath tub. One says, "Pass the soap!" The other says, "What do you think I am?! A clock?"

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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