whats big and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a snooker table

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A Jew walks into a bar...He uses his coupon to get a free drink, then leaves.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why didn't the chicken cross the road?!

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Why did the car slow down? Becuase the driver pressed the break

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

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what smells like a rose bud? a rose, bud.

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What do you call an African American witch doctor dressed in ceremonial robes flying a plane? A Pilot.

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What do you do when you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Laugh at him

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How do you make a fat man cry? You call him fat.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding the holocaust? A worm

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What's up? The sky. What's down? Your mom: she was stabbed

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Did you go swimming in the Carribean Ocean? Yes, a shark ate my body, and killed me! Thank God I'm still alive!

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Why couldn't the bartender sell alcoholic beverages? He got fired

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Why isn't Juley at school today? Oh Her father chopped off her arms and legs, gagged her, ripped out both eyes and threw her in a lake tied to cinderblocks!

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Three blind men walk into a bar, and, no... wait, sorry just one; so one blind man walked into a bar, and... uh, okay, so it was actually more of a small post. This is pretty much just a plausible, yet unfortunate event. My bad.

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What did michael say to sam? (pedo face) YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What happened to the boy who crossed the road without looking both ways? He was abducted by aliens.

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Why couldn't the infant read the book? Because he was blind.

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Doctor, I keep believing I am stuck in the Matrix! Oh thats common, you know existencial crisis and so on but we got medications, you want the blue or the red pill?

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Why did Sally fly off the swing, She had no arms Knock knock *Who's there* Not Sally

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If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops