why did the chicken cross the road ? how else is he going to get to the other side

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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Why did the man turn up at his friend's funeral dressed as Mickey Mouse? Because it would have been disrespectful not to attend.

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What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

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Q:What did the homeless guy say to the business man on the cell phone A: Nothing because he doesn't want to disturb his phone call

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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What's worse than finding The Holocaust in your apple? Most things, because that's impossible.

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Try not to laugh at this joke... Knock knock Who's there? Ha ha ha Ha ha ha who? I told you not to laugh

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Q: What did the Mexican say to the other Mexican? A: To get to the other side.

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Why was the boy crying in public with no clothes on? Because he had no clothes on in public.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

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Q; Whats the hardest part about nailing a dead baby to a wall? A; my dick while doing it.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a gun, get in the van.

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Whats worse than getting an "F" on a test? Stage diving with a kilt on.

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Whats brown, sweet, and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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I never made a mistake. I thought i did once but i was mistaken

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Why wasn't 7 afraid of 6? Numbers are numbers and therefore incapable of feeling any emotion.

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How tall is a tree? Taller than the ground

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Knock, Knock, Who's there? The IRS.

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WHY IS THIS SENTENCE CAPITALIZED? BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS ON.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do you call someone who is bad at hand eye co-ordination? Dispraxic

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops