Wife: "I suggest you check properly next time you lose your keys so that you find them quicker" Husband: "I suggest that next time I sit down and have a beer while I wait for Doc Martin and his time machine to give my keys back.

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Far from, yet all organizations are money based and put capitalism in front of all, so if lets say, one organization, needs help from another, a money transaction is made, I play a role there, as a well... Diplomat, its not my title, but my title is something I cannot reveal to anyone, not even my wife, id be putting myself and people in danger, but since I master things such as hypnosis, I can well, influence people, this is how I can pull of favors myself. Not favors such as "kill that guy for me", but more like... In your case. "If you are going to kill the wizard, please let the rest be, I know they are good people"

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What makes Amish bread different than regular bread? It's made by Amish people

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Why did the girl cry when her boyfriend brought up the topic about rape? Because she was raped by her father as a child and it was a suppressed memory.

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How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Suck its dick.

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How do you starve a Mexican? You stick him in a secure room and deprive him of food resources

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A lost young boy walks into a bar to ask for a map. The Bartender takes him into a room and rapes him.

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"I want a boyfriend for these cold winter nights" ... Shut up you slut go buy a blanket.

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What did the fish say to the Asain man Nothing. a fish can not talk

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Whi can't John sleep? Because he is dead!

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Why did the 15 year old commit suicide? Because his parents and 3 sisters died in a car accident and he went to live with his uncle, who constantly raped him.

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Yo momma so ugly..... what more do you want

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A lot eh?

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Mom now that I am fourteen can I get a bra now? No Harold!

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Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

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A white man, a black man, and a Mexican board a plane. The white man watches the on-flight film. The black man watches the on-flight film. The Mexican also watches the on-flight film. At the end of a long flight, they leave the plane and go do whatever it is they planned to do at their destination.

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Roses are red, Violets are violet.

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what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

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Why are black people scared of chainsaws? Because the chainsaws go run nigga nigga run.

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Roeses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, My Name Is Dave, Microwave

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What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

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How did the black guy, get a nice car, house, and attire? He went to college, and got a job.

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Little johnny raised his hand one day in class and asked if he could use the restroom. The teacher said he had to say the abc's first. Johnny successfully recited the abc's and then proceeded to use the restroom.

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What did one apple say to the other???? Well, since they are fruits, and not people, they were unable to talk...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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