You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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How do you make your father cry? Poke him in the eye with a shovel, then continue to lower his self esteem with insults.

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple Getting raped by a hose

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You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't eat your friends Nose it is!

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What do you call a clown with no sense of humor? Unemployed.

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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Why can't Michael Jackson work at a boy scouts camp? Because he's dead.

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How did the chicken cross the road?he just got up and walked to the other side.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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What happens when your dog is bad? A crying dog who has to sleep in the BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid dog....

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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What happens if you're caught strangling a purple leprechaun? You are taken to a mental institution because you have schizophrenia

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What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back? A stick.

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Roses are red, yup.

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whats worth than finding half a dead worm in your apple getting rapped by your step dad

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Why didn't Superman save the people from 9/11? Because he was a quadriplegic.

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What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

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whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

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A guy walks into a bar and falls.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops