Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a depressed alcoholic drug addict whose children had all been diagnosed with a rare form of terminal brain cancer, and he decided to end it then and there by jumping in front of an approaching bus.

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What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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whats the same about a red crayon and a blue crayon? there both the same color except for the blue one

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It was the week of the school formal and a girl rang up her date and said I don't have a dress for the formal. He said ok the lets go out and buy one. So they went to the dress shop to buy one but the line was really, really long so they waited in the dress line for ages and ages until they finally got to the front, paid and walked out. As they did, the girl said well I suppose you need a suit, so they went to the suit shop, and again, the suit line was really long but they waited in the suit line and they finally got to the front, paid and walked out. Then the guy said, well if we want to go to the formal in style, then we will need a limo. So they went to the limo shop but the limo line was really long as well. But again, they waited in the limo line and they got to the front, paid and left. It was finally the night of the formal, she had her dress, he had his suit and they arrived in their limo. Everyone was having a great time and the the girl said to her partner, I'm a bit thirsty could you please get me a drink? So the guy went over to the drinks table and went to get a glass of punch but there was no punch line.

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Did you see Helen Keller's doll house? No... Well it's really nice!

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What's the difference between a paper towel and a crab cake? Ones a paper towel and ones a crab cake

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

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A bear walks into a bar. The bear is then shot by the bartender with the shotgun kept under the counter.

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Whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Finding out that that apple was the tip of a dick

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My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

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Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your pear.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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what's the only thing funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? The look on the mom's face.

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Who killed Lincoln Nobody knows

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

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Who didn't allow the gorilla into the ballet studio? Whoever was in charge.

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A young boy trips and severly cuts his knee while running down his neighborhood street. He is promptly brought to the hospital to avoid receiving any serious infection.

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What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

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Girl: What is your phone number? Guy: 1-800-Choke-Dat-Ho

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What's black and runs fast? Newsflash: Most of you are racist.

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Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops