- Anti Joke

In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

It gets very hot in Mianus, Connecticut

A homeless man stumbles upon $100 bill. It is actually just a food wrapper, his eyesight is lackluster.

ghjwASFDJHKJZFKLJFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA GGGG DG FUC K DISLIKE ME!

A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

Everyone lies about agreeing to the terms of service... look, I'll do it right now! because i have to click it in order to post the joke.

Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

Lilys are from england violets from japan. I've got a knife now get in the van

What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

Two jews walk into a bar. They laugh over a beer and leave

How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

Q .What robin told to batman before they got into the car? A. Get into the car!!

All dead all doom or all dead? How can you choose the question doesn't make sense. dead all dooom ohhhaklsdjfla;ksdjfal;skfjasd

Carlton

What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

how did the bling man cross the street? He didn't half way there he tripped and got ran over by a car.

what did the clinically depressed man last post on twitter? "Oh cruel world, i finally lost all faith in the good of humanity. I am unloved and irrelevant to all. I know nobody will miss me, but goodbye anyway. #suicide " nobody followed him and saw the post and he died alone with nobody at his funeral.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dying infants.

What time is it? 12:19. weren't we supposed to leave like 5 minutes ago? 4. For the mall...

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he woke with a fright, in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep

Black people are innocent.

Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

How did sally fall off the swings? she had no arms. Knock knock, who is there? Not sally.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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