Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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How many gun shots does it take to kill you? 1..2... 3...4... Samantha reapeatedly kept shooting her enemy until she noticed that her enemy was Chuck Norris. So how many gunshots does it take to kill Chuck Norris? The world may never know.

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What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back. Then look down and realize there's still an active grenade in your hand. You've just become the joke

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family killed themselves.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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how do i know if my husband is cheating? beat him until he tells you

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What does it mean when somebody is Jewish? They eat palahuardo por sinquevos for breakfast. Qua.

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What did the Nazi solider receive on his birthday? A bayonet up his ass.

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Why are white people white? I don't know

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Yo Momma so fat, that the doctor prescribed her prescription drugs that deal with her eating disorder and recommended that she begin a low calorie diet and live a more active lifestyle.

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is promptly arrested for sexual harassment.

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A sad guy walks in to a bar and the bartender asks, what's the matter? The guy responds, I just found out i'm deaf

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Teacher- Pick the odd one out- Man, whale, bat, squirrel, frog Student- Whale. All others are found in Nebraska

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How do you get a bent nail out of a board? You carefully pry it out with the back of the hammer.

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Why did The white man loose his black friend? Because he ran away.

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Roses are red Violets are blue We decapitated some little children Now I'm in jail too.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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how do you win a game try your best

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If your fighting an octopus on mars how many lamps does it take to repair a dog house? Nine because a toaster cannot ride a bicycle.

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"Is this the Krusty Krab ?" I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT TYRONE.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops