What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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guess what? bannanas

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What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and an arab walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the arab has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the arab that he's with a swine, and the arab is offended for the poor horse.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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Where's the soap?

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Montague goes to the alcoholics meeting and says "Hello I'm Montague and I am an alcoholic" Evreyone points at him and chants "LOSER!, LOSER!, LOSER!, LOSER!" Montague is appaled, he expected to be welcomed with sympathy and respect. Then he realises his mistake. He has walked into meeting with a bottle of whisky and is wearing a Justin Beiber T Shirt

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There were three men walking across the road and it started to rain

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Yo mamas so poor, she should probably find a source of consistent payment to support herself.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

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Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

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Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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What do you call a group of white males wearing hoods and setting fires? Cold

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people who spank you sure are a pain in the ass.

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Sharing means caring, Caring is socialism

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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