A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Women deserve equal rights.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? John.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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Maybe we simply need to keep the door open, but one cannot bring happiness to others, until one is happy oneself. Do I change something within you Red?

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Why does the rabbit go in the hole? because that's where it lives.

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got to say I hate you!

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A little boy was walking down the street when a strange looking van stopped next to him and the man driving asked the little boy where he lived, where his mother was, and if he wanted a puppy because he had some in the back seat.... The boy proceeded to enter the van. The man then handed the child a puppy and promptly drove the boy home.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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What do you call a schizophrenic Clown surrounded by 10,000 Amish gangsters, all armed with dildos? I don't know, but it would be a heck of a sight, wouldn't it?

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9 + 10 = How much yo mama makes.

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What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

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Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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Why didn't little Timmy see the bus right before it hit him? Because he was blind

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, 7 being the highest, what is you favorite color

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops