How do you make your father cry? Poke him in the eye with a shovel, then continue to lower his self esteem with insults.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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Customer Service "May I help you?" "Yes."

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What's long and blackand goes all night? night time

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why did your mom leave your dad because he was a drunk :l

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? I dont know lets go play on our bikes.

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? He was at his neighbors house and it was shorter to cut through yards than to walk to his house

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

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why did the man fall off his bike? someone threw an oven at him

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A antijoke? The "new and better" Duke Nukem. "Power armor is for poossies! My ego is going to... ARGH! Both my arms are blown away... well Duke Nukem is too awesome! He uses his legs..ARGH MY LEGS! Well Duke Nukem is dead... but his ego will keep the remains of his corpse fighting aliens! Yeah ego!" Nukem: I got balls of fail...

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why did the elephant fall out of the tree? it was hit by a fridge. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was sellotaped to the elephant.

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What did one viking say to the other viking? I don't know, it was in Danish

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What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

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What day is it today? It's "Jack Daniels Day" according to that guy with the shopping cart filled with kittens.

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Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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a man walks into a bar... he was shot to death because he was a slave during the 1910s

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I was eating a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

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whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

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roses are red. violetss are black. a knife would go good in your back

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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