One walrus says to the other, "Why are you shaking like that?" The other walrus says, " I've been addicted to ectasy for three years. It's ruining my life."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Two fuses wearing bombs for hats were sitting on a bench with their frayed feet dangling on the ground. A match was walking along and tripped, hitting it's head on the ground and bursting into flame. Luckily the fuses had finished lunch by that time and gone back to work. Unluckily for the match it died from burns to 80 percent of it's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Have you ever tripped over a leaf? No. Neither have I.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the depressed man commit suicide? Its typical of a depressed person.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

thumb_up thumb_down +33

women and girls can really get enjoyment out of sex. it's not really about controlling the man.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Person: hey buddy have you heard the greteat news Freind: yea you have aids Person: no my wife jusr became a pristatue an she had ten patients already i was her first

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's white and horny? A unicorn

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Wanna know a secret? I didn't read or agree to the terms and services

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a black man reading a book? An avid reader that happens to be black

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms Why couldnt he get up? He had no legs What did the boy get for Christmas? Cancer What did the boy get for Easter? A funeral Knock, knock Who's there? Not the boy.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Your mothers so stupid she is retaking her college courses so she can get a better job and support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why does Greg steal? Because he is a thief He is also scouse!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Q: Why was the little boy late for school? A: His face was stapled to a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? The lawyer is a human being whose profession is to give legal advice and assistance to clients and represent them in court or in other legal matters while the catfish is a freshwater or marine fish with whiskerlike barbels around the mouth, typically bottom-dwelling. -BG_Shank_A

thumb_up thumb_down +29

a blind man walks down the street and trips on an unsuspecting curb he scraped his knee

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the blind man laugh at the book. He didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what ddo you call someone that has a small dick benjamin

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops